My Castle

                                                               ( Feb 08 )
                                                                   
                                                            My Castle
                                
                                                
                                                                 ( Photo by Billy Delaney when age 11, WA )

                         Imposing like an Old Formidable Castle, in my young eyes
                         was our Childhood Home until the age of 13 .

                         Full of dragons, magic forests, princes and princesses,
                         galloping horses, magic fairies and many other magical
                         and unexplained experiences, some belonging in the realm
                         of imagination, fantasy and play and some touching levels
                         of metaphysical experiences.

                         It was indeed a very old 'castle'

                         but it had a Precious little Veranda

                         with an impressively Panoramic view
                         overlooking the entire City below,

                         the Port and the Open Sea beyond.

                         It was my Favourite spot
                         and where i used to spend a lot of Alone time
                         Alone by choice
                         That's how i liked it

                         While all other neighbourhood kids were playing outside
                          i preferred to sit there in solitude

                          and look at the sea in the distance and imagine it being closer
                          so close that i could hear the waves...

                         It was there
                         where i experienced an exhilarating feeling of freedom.
                         There where i could be with my own thoughts
                         There where i could observe the world of the adults
                         and their relationships with astounding clarity for my age.

                         All so small and petty...
                         All enclosed within a tightly restricted circumference
                         All so dense - so unchangeable - all so just 'bound to earth'
                         while i was sure there was a greater world of unlimited possibilities

                        as vast as the sky with its millions of sparkly stars i could see at night
                        and the lands expanding beyond the Open Sea.

                         It was there where i explored my world and its own realities
                         intertwined with childhood fantasies.

                        It was there where i saw that one day i would be living
                        in a faraway country far-far over the other side of the sea
                        seemingly unimaginable possibility by all counts back then

                        and for many years later yet becoming a reality

                        after many unexpected turn of events.

                         It was there where most of my night time dreams took place

                         And there where for a few years

                         i had a rather extraordinary and most fascinating

                         recurrent experience:

                         There was no serious protective railing on the veranda
                         just a very low, old brick wall.

                         I was not allowed to go too close to the edge
                         because it was dangerously low, very fragile in many parts

                         and ready to crumble at the slightest push.

                         For safety, most of the time, there were no chairs
                         unless there were adults present
                         and often i had to sit on some old cushions on the cement floor.

                          Sitting that low resulted in the wall blocking most of my view
                          thus making other more trivial or strange things attract my attention

                          such as...looking at my very thin arms and very long skinny legs!...

                          Looking at them i often felt some distinct separation from them
                          and from the rest of my body -as if I were 'Inside it'

                          rather than 'Being' it.

                          I felt like i was a very-very old man, inside a child's body.
                          I felt like i was about 80 years old ...or 100 ...
                          or 100 and another 100 or many hundred more
                          almost simultaneously...
                          and trying to work out the concept of the 100s

                          while i had no conception at that age of the number itself

                          or its relationship in years
                          -years it seemed i had lived and years i had not lived 

                           ... and have not lived yet  - not even now.

                           I could feel myself so
                           and somewhat bewildered that an 'old' person like 'me'
                           was inside a little child's body ...
                           with funny skinny arms and legs...
                           and used to chuckle at the mysterious sensation
                           and the fact that i had a secret that no one else

                           was supposed to know.

                           I could feel the sense of "myself " so separate from my body
                           and i could 'see' some blurred visions of things
                           strangely familiar, things i somehow felt I knew,
                           that were mysteriously inside my head,

                           things that neither any other children nor adults seemed to know.

                           Memories... memories ... of so many things ...
                           things that i had perhaps either lived before or had not lived yet...

                           This sense has Never left me entirely.