( Nov 09 )
Longing for you
Most of my life i suffered sharing you with many others
always feeling almost invisible or non-existent among them
even when you were there for me
Was i perhaps the one you really wanted
yet believing you could never have?
I so very much wanted you to myself only
You seemed to believe i did not care-i was not yours
Did i want impossibly much from you?
... I guess i did
Was i too proud to show?
... Yes, undeniably i was
You never seemed to suspect
how much i needed you-or how much i loved you
which is better or i would hurt even more right now
Maybe i should have tried harder...-why didn't i?
was i afraid pain of rejection and denial?
or did i unconsciously know
that no matter how much you gave me
it would never be enough
I was young
perhaps i did not know about myself
as much as i do now
Would have anything changed if i did?
I dont know...
I am left Longing for you for the rest of my life
and my secret hope is to find you again
in an afterlife...if there one ...
*
(Like the ebb and flow come the memories
and the waves carrying to the shore
strange forgotten fragments of life past...)
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